Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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