I will die if light touches me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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