Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this beer tastes like vomit already
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Randomize
