We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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