Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize