I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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