Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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