Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
