She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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