i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
