in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
