I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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