bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
