alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
