hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
