He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
