I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
