drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
