I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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