My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
