Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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