we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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