i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
