Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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