I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we made out on top of his cat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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