I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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