Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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