I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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