I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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