Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
