how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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