I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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