Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
