walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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