mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
