He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize