It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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