Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
