please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
