Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
