Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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