do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
