did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
