i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They took my balls.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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