Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
