my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
