i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
