i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
