Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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