I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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