I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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