So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
