so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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