I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
