My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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