Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize