i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Who died my cat blue again?
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