drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
