that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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