i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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